none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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