Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
