Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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