I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Send help, water and tortillas.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
