Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
