Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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