If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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