i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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