i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
