so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
