U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
