Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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