I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
