Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
