dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
