i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
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