How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I love having hate sex.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
