Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
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She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
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I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
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