If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
