Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
