I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
