I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Randomize
