i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
