She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
