Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
