ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
