your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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