Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
