so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
