2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
