their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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