I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
