he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Randomize
