you win again, gameday.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
