Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
