please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
