You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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