You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
