And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
