Why are handjobs necessary in class?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
