My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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