so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
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TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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