The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize