Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
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