I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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