Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize