If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
You smell like a Billy Joel song
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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