the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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