dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....