So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
