Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
She made me pour olive oil on her.