thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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