his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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