Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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