the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
