I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
