In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
