It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
