I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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