I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize