Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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