Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
