when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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